Living with chronic pain

I was diagnosed with FMS/MPS syndrome  in 1996. 

My chronic pain started in 1990 after an auto accident. the doctors kept saying it was nerve damage, but would heal. Although, my injuries required several surgeries, I knew my pain was not where the injuries were. I had never taken pain medication in my life, except rare instances, when I had surgery, severe tooth ache, or a severe injury. I seemed to have a high tolerance to pain, and would take the medication a day or two, and the rest would sit in the medicine cabinet.  Once I was burned severely  and although I welcomed the pain reliever when I arrived at the emergency room, by the next day, I was coping with the pain without taking any of the medicine I had in a bottle on my bed side table. Now though, after the 1990 accident, the pain seemed more severe each day. It was a pain I could not tolerate.

The doctor at the bone and joint clinic would not give me any medicine to relieve the pain, and I began to lose sleep as the pain was so severe, sleep eluded me. It actually seemed worse in the evenings and night. I would finally fall into exhausted sleep as the sun was rising. I finally decided if this was nerve damage and did not heal, I could not live my life with this horrible pain. I would kill myself first. That pain lasted several years without letting up. Then a new pain appeared without warning. Doctors would say, you can't hurt in that area. there is nothing there. I could draw the area where the pain was. I finally decided I had a tumor and it was cancer in the last stages as no one could hurt so bad and not be dying. After eight months of constant pain it left in a split second as I was walking across the room. How wonderful it felt to suddenly be pain free is beyond description. I stood stock still, afraid to move. I savored the wonderful feeling and just knew if I took another step forward it would return. I must have stood in that spot the longest time, and finally took a hesitant step, then another, and another. the pain was gone. I wish I could say the pain never returned, but it did come back, in another area of my body. I have had days, weeks, and on occasions even a month of being without unbearable pain. Never completely pain free, but pain I learned to cope with. Finally a Rheumatologist   dx'ed me. Now my pain had a name. I looked it up on the internet and joined a support group. I realized I was not alone dealing with constant pain and doctors who were afraid to give medication for fear of addiction. hey, doc, I already have an unwanted addiction. one that will last my life time. unwanted constant pain that has me in it's grip like a vise. I can not work, enjoy my family or children as I dwell on my pain. Give me relief from my pain, and let me live a normal life. I moved to West Tennessee and behold found a doctor who was not afraid to treat pain. Being pain free gave me a whole new life. I was even able to go back to work, clean my home, cook, play with my grandchildren, my great-grandchildren, and be a joy to my loved ones. I guess all good things do end. One of our citizens had a daughter on drugs and she  had conned the doctor with a false illness and her mother formed a group that had the gall to be named GOD. the god's took picket signs and walked in front of the doctors office. they called the drug task force, the FBI and complained. Because he had treated so many for pain, he lost his license. Hello pain, no I do not welcome you back. I again, no longer work, my house work gets done when I can manage it. Five of the doctors patients died within two months after he was barred from his practice. I now fall  asleep as daylight is creeping in my windows. I may sleep a few hours and the pain awakens me as it needs my attention. It has taken days to type this article and I must again stop as the constant typing is causing pain in my wrist, hands and arm. I may upload this and finish it as pain permits. The only Rheumatologist that takes my insurance is over a hundred miles away. I no longer drive, so I just suffer like before.

that I used as my pain journal. He actually asked if he could borrow it. I felt that finally at last I had a doctor who cared. I am sure he was fooled many times by people who were not in pain, but what doctor isn't unless they are ones who will Not treat pain. What happened to him is the very reason other doctors are "afraid" to give pain medication. The medical profession wants people with chronic pain to go to pain clinics, but they are only located in large cities. People with FMS find traveling difficult if not impossible. driving over a hundred miles to a pain clinic would put me in a flare that would last for weeks or months. I made an appointment with a  Rheumatologist  who I was told over the phone treated Fibromyalgia. It did not take long for me to determine this was not true. As a new patient I was given the standard form to fill out. The form required only basic issues, how many surgeries, hospitals, illness', had I had. allergies and basic questions. only one page. Not a question that pertained to someone suffering chronic pain. Once in the doctors inner chambers, I was sent for x-rays. Now anyone who has FMS/MPS knows it does not show up on x-rays. When I finally saw the doctor, as I sat on the examination table, he took each arm in turn and raised it, pulled them back and then ask me to push against his hand. That was it !!! I have had every spot the FMS chart shows to be affected at one time or another, I flatly refuse to have a pelvic exam as I would go through the ceiling and then suffer horrible cramps, searing burning pain for months afterwards. I have been single the past fifteen years for that reason. Before I got Devin J. Starlanyl book, I had let dentist pull perfectly good teeth because of dreadful toothaches. I can not stand to be touched because it hurts. Even a well meaning hug from grandchildren is painful. Yet this doctor gently moved my arms and that was the extent of his examination. Treat Fibromyalgia?? I think not. The only prescription he gave me was for cymbila or something like that. He said it was for pain. The instructions said it was an antidepressant. The side effects were hostility, suicidal thoughts, tremors, and the list went on with ghastly things. I threw it in the trash. 

It is a mystery to me why doctors will give people antidepressants that have tragic side effects and keep people on them the rest of their lives, yet refuse pain med as it is habit forming. Duh!!